I’ve spend about the last two months in a Soul Struggle, trying to rid myself of a particularly painful limiting belief and the excruciating attached emotions. It came up, sitting heavy on the upper left side of my heart, so familiar and frustratingly persistent over my lifetime.
I’ll never get the love I need.
Untrue. Completely untrue. And yet. . . like everyone, I believe untrue things sometimes.
And it’s a painful graspy desperate feeling to believe that I’ll never get the love I need. One clue that it’s bullshit—and file this away for later—is that it includes the word never. I mean, it’s one thing to believe that I don’t have the love I need now, or that I won’t get it from one particular person, or that I didn’t have it in my marriage, or that I didn’t get it when I was six. But it’s a whole notha’ story to believe that I’ll NEVER have it. Bleck.
We carry these preciously guarded “truths” around and we are oblivious to them . . . until we see it.
I often “see” it during a healing session with my energy worker C.J. McDaniel. I’ll make an appointment because my Soul says, Go see CJ. Something will be “off,” but I can’t quite name it, I can’t quite put my finger on the painful belief that’s causing me to feel graspy and desperate and sad and griefy and disappointed. Or whatever lame, uncomfortable feeling that’s coming up to be healed. And she’ll say, with her intuitive skills, “I’ll never get the love I need,” that’s the belief you’re upset about. This originated when you were six and it had to do with a sibling getting more love, and you weren’t getting enough.
Then I can “see” it. And I can recall that my mom had my baby sister when I was six and they both were very, very sick and my dad was in Alaska flying a plane for the USA and my grandma had to come take care of us because my mom was not able to do it.
And rationally, as an adult, I know that of course my mother loved me, but she was sick and couldn’t give me what I needed and that’s okay. But, I was six, so I tucked this nasty belief into my sore heart and amplified its destructive power with the word never. What a terrible and powerful word.
If you’re not getting what you want, it’s a limiting belief thats screwing up your Law of Attraction efforts and keeping you from your Soul Path. If you believe something that is untrue, that it’s untrue is irrelevant because you’re having emotional responses to the belief, not the truth. So the Universe goes about its work making your belief true over and over and over. Until you rid yourself of the belief and its corresponding emotional turmoils that have cropped up repeatedly in your life circumstances. If you think about it, most of your crappy feelings have repeated themselves. This is why.
How do you rid yourself of a belief that you don’t want to believe anymore?
Well, some people don’t. In fact, probably most people don’t. Most people go around repeating their story over and over—to therapists, friends, lovers, coworkers and bosses. My parents were mean to me, I was abused as a child, I’ve got issues, man. This is how people end up sitting on a therapist’s couch for five years without ever achieving more happiness or better conditions in their lives.
But that’s not how I do it. Once I know the belief is there and it’s keeping me from what I want—I’m OVER it. I want to exorcize it like the unwelcome demon that it is.
I’ve been carrying around a stupid belief for 34 years—thirty-four years!—I don’t freaking want to carry it anymore. Especially one that I know can keep me from the conscious, loving relationship that I want in my life, keep me from my Great Romance, keep me from being able to fulfill my end of the conscious loving part. Because my Love, my Man, my Soul Mate deserves a woman who can come to the table feeling confident, secure and loving and who will face her own stuff and heal it. And I deserve that from him too.
In Law of Attraction mathematics you cannot attract the vibration of love, caring, passion and respect if you are feeling loved starved and if you believe you’ll never—not last time, not this time, not next time or the time after that until eternity ends forever more—get the love you need. You can only get love, caring, passion and respect if that’s what you’re believing will come to you.
Pay attention: you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you believe.
The only answer is to shift it. Now, this last belief was a doozy. It was so painful and uncomfortable that I literally wanted to run out of my own skin. My Soul, in fact, had a hard time staying in my body because this belief hurt like hell and made it impossible—for a few weeks—to feel any love at all.
I could see it. I mean, the Universe is exceedingly generous with me in every way, especially through loving gestures from people. I’m incredibly People Rich. I could see it with my eyes, and I could know it in my brain, and I could acknowledge it with my mouth, but I couldn’t feel it. But, I know know know that not only do I have love overflowing in my life, but the conscious, loving relationship is standing right in front of me, so close that I’ve reached out and kissed it. And yet, it remains just out of my grasp—being withheld—or so it seems. Torture.
In other words, The Universe presented me with the perfect conditions to motivate me to finding my way to a truer belief: I have, have always had and will always have all the love I need.
Which is the real, deep core issue. God hurt my feelings and I didn’t feel loved. The Universe was making me feel taunted by teaching me about love by withholding it.
Untrue. But it felt excruciatingly true.
And that’s how spiritual growth goes sometimes. It’s a messy pile of hurts and disappointments and misinterpretations of the past and destructive offhand words like never and always that feels just awful—until you figure out a way to shift your own belief and find your way into the light.
Because yes, it is always your belief that’s holding you up.
No matter how untrue that feels or how much evidence you can find to the contrary.
Now, some people can just sit in their meditation chair and dissolve the belief and let it go. Or so I’ve heard. That’s not how I do it. I get frustrated and fed up with the belief—and mad at the Universe—and myself and ask for a lot of help and shift energy in my life to reflect what I’m trying to change.
Energy work, other healing modalities, massage, Byron Katie’s The Work, life coaching, physical therapy, yoga, hypnosis, getting my backyard landscaped, art, writing and journaling, detox baths, rituals, affirmations, prayers, workshops, meditation, shifting my physical spaces with feng shui, crying, asking my Soul and God for guidance, a rare but cathartic sobbing phone call with my BFF, a stubborn insistence on believing the real truth, are all ways that I can shift my belief to something better and less painful.
And I did all of them, in a few weeks. Because that’s how DONE I am with that stupid belief that could prevent me from getting what I want, and in fact, what I deserve—a conscious loving relationship based on passion, love, caring and respect.
But, when you go as aggressively as I sometimes go . . . you can blow out your Soular system. Only temporarily, usually. But, you can run your energetic system dry. You can exhaust your Soul’s capacity to put itself back together properly. You can become sick or ill. Your work can suffer. You can make yourself an emotional wreck—energetic Jello. You can introvert until you really are alone.
Rest. Rest. Rest. Rest. Integrate. Integrate. Integrate, CJ insists.
Yesterday the tide turned. I started to breathe a little easier. Today I started to laugh out loud in my car at the preposterous idea that God doesn’t love me enough and that I would ever believe something so obviously untrue like that I don’t have enough love or that I’ll never be in a conscious loving relationship. I was finally able to feel God’s love showered on me from all directions, and I started to know that I have and always have had and always will have the love I need. And that of course, a loving conscious relationship—a Great Romance even—is ours for the having.
I’m not all the way there yet, because my Soul craves rest now and will integrate for another few weeks. But, the heavy lifting is done and the work is worthy because it’s going to get me what I want. And my conscious loving relationship is so close that I’ve already reached out and kissed it and it’s just been waiting for me to heal this old heart wound so I can come to the table ready.
It’s going to be a Next Level Love, my Soul promises, one we’ve never felt before because neither he nor I have ever come to the table at this level of consciousness and healing.
Now, that is true.
****Art by Patti Stickler (my favorite artist)