Teen Girls Aren't As Stupid As I Thought

Teen girls aren’t as stupid as I thought. I know, this is a totally pro-girl website. That doesn’t meant I think girls are always the smartest. Sometimes — especially when boys and men are involved — girls can be quite stupid. Myself included. Hell, historically, myself mostly.

I’ve been subbing at the high school and junior high this year. It’s pretty fun. I adore teenagers. I’m a freak like that. I’ll take a classroom of teens over a gaggle of snotty toddlers that want to cuddle with me any day.

Their regular teacher warned me that this class was really, really bad and that they couldn’t be trusted not to talk if I even let them whisper and she wanted names of anyone who uttered so much as a whisper and she would dully punish them.

Uh ok.

The whole not talking thing struck me as stupid when I was in junior high. It still does.

I went back to reading the 3rd book in the Twilight Series, Eclipse. What I won’t do for The Girl Revolution, caught off guard with nothing to read, with access to a junior high library.

If you’ve been here before you know that I hate the Twilight Series because I think Bella is the stupidest girl character on the Planet Earth. But, whatever, at least girls are reading. Who cares if they’re reading training material for being a battered girlfriend?

That teacher was so right. As soon as the girls saw what I was reading they started talking about Twilight. This is, after all, THE girl-culture phenomenon of their time. They couldn’t escape it if they wanted to.  Everyone’s talking about it, everyone has seen the movies, read the books, bought the branded accessories and school supplies.

Bella is so stupid! one girl said.

Really? How so? I said, totally shocked.

She wants to die. Don’t you think that’s stupid? they said.

Yeah, I think it’s stupid, but I thought girls thought it was romantic, I said.

No, she’s totally stupid. She goes for Edward and he’s totally ugly! they said.

In the book he’s not ugly, he’s the most beautiful man in entire history of mankind, well vampirekind! I argued.

In the movie he’s ugly and pasty. Jacob is sooo hot! they declared.

One girl pulled out a photo of Jacob. He’s hot.

So, you don’t think it’s romantic to give up everything and die for a boy? I asked.

No way! I don’t want to die! Why would you want to die? Would you want to die with an ugly man? they asked.

I hate to break it to you, but most of you will probably die with ugly men. Look around ladies, this is as good as boys get, eventually they are old and bald and pot-bellied, I said. I’m sorry I can’t help myself. The truth pops out of my mouth before I can stop it sometimes.

They looked around shocked and laughed.

One of the boys said something like, Twilight is so stupid.

To which I responded, Smart boys will read it so they know what girls want. Otherwise they’ll constantly be wondering how come they disappoint their girlfriends.

Seriously, you don’t want to give up your whole life, your whole family, your ability to have children, college, careers and all that for a boy? I asked them. I thought perhaps I might cry with relief.

No way! Besides, she should have gone with Jacob, he’s way hotter, they said.

That settles it. There is hope for the future of girls in spite of trashy-romance-novels-turned-propaganda-for-eternal-marriage.

In fact, now that I think about it, it makes those girls smarter than lots of women I know. At least for now, while it remains hypothetical.