My soul has been whispering at me to do something for several years.
I do not want to do it.
So I tell my soul to be quiet and then list all the reasons that doing this will suck for me and my family.
Sometimes I eat enough that she quiets down. Sometimes chocolate will shush her. I sometimes make her slur by drinking too much. I get analytical at her and tell her that, “just maybe she’s wrong.” I might work out vigorously or get centered in yoga, try a new medication or see a therapist or life coach. I have many tricks to make her stop staying this thing I don’t want to hear.
Still, her message persists. Always the same. Getting louder and more persistent as years pass and nothing has gotten better, things have only deteriorated more.
You really never met a more persistent presence than this Holy Spirit or Inner Voice or Conscience or this Wiser Woman inside me shouting the same exact message inside me.
Do this, she says when I wake in the morning. Do this, I hear her tell me in my dreams. Do this, she tells me louder when I’m off guard soaking in the tub, watching a chick flick, reading a novel, watching the kids at ice skating, Do This!
I don’t want to, it’s too hard, I’m too scared, maybe later, soon I promise, when I’m older, when the kids have moved out, when things settle down, after the new year, when I have more money, when I’m less afraid, when I’m healthier. Maybe it will just go away and resolve itself and I won’t have to do anything. I’m. Too. Afraid. I don’t know what will happen if I do it, I tell her back.
She just gets louder. The same persistent message. Louder. More insistent. Do This!
I always tell my daughter to listen to this voice. It’s what I tell my friends. The voice’s job is to protect you, this intuition, this holy whisper, this higher self, this message from God, you can never go wrong by following it, I tell them. And I know I’m right. But, me? I listen. I’m just to scared to follow her.
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