Release

Author, Tracee Sioux Photo Credit, Ainsley

If you’re a regular here, you know I spent the summer battling depression and anxiety. Beating down old demons and wrestling dragons from my past that would creep up on me in unexpected ways. And learning to let go. It was excruciating. Here’s that post if you’re interested.

When I was done with that — and properly medicated — I felt like I was staring at a blank page. Just sort of waiting for what was next. Not in pain anymore, and greatly relieved about that. Just waiting for my next wave of inspiration, in anticipation. Here is that post.

Well, the day after Ainsley’s 10th birthday party I woke up in an inexplicable frenzy. I went down to the basement to the “storage room.” and began to clean. In this room is everything no one in the house wants to deal with. Boxes we have not unpacked since we moved from New York in 2002. Shamefully, I found boxes I packed upon leaving Morro Bay, Cal. in 1999. We were “box hoarders” keeping every shoe box, every box from items we purchased from last Christmas and since, every Amazon box – why?

I won’t bore you with everything in that room. Crap we don’t need. Crap that’s not in my house anymore. And I haven’t stopped. Everyday I’ve just been seeing piles of stuff, clutter, magazine racks, book shelves with books I’ve already read, boxes in the garage full of stuff we don’t want, shoes that don’t fit anyone. OUT!

It feels so good and it has set my Creative Energy FREE! It has changed my life.

My creative energy is sky rocketing as a result. I’m taking risks where I wouldn’t have before. I have a freelance marketing gig from this stuffy baby boomer CPA who hadn’t updated his marketing material in 20 years. I wrote this hilarious, hip and edgy marketing piece and it was brilliant! I mean it really was brilliant! I threw caution to the wind and sent it to them. They LOVED it. It wasn’t at all what they were expecting and they loved it!

I’m redecorating everything. Picking edgy paint colors that make my heart sing! Peacock for my bedroom and bathroom, and I’m going to mix in fine grained silver mica so it shimmers! I’ve made two art pieces for the basement and made bright orange curtains with Ikea graphic prints and I’m painting the room candy apple green! My living room kitchen area has been reorganized and the walls are going to be butternut squash. I think I’m going to graffiti the walls on the stairs with words like Love, Dream, Joy or I’ll scribble inspiring phrases or whatever else I feel like painting!

In my Anasara yoga class this morning my teacher said the New Year is coming and she suggested we pick a word to hang onto for the year, and mine is RELEASE!

Just the idea of releasing makes me feel so free. The more I think about it the more liberated I feel. Not only is cleaning out all the extraneous stuff in my life symbolic of releasing all the stuff I don’t need or want, but it’s freeing me to be more creative.

The more I think about releasing the things that frustrate me the more it frees me — wanting to weigh 125 pounds, wanting to write a best-selling book, smoking (I released it last week), drinking beer (I released it last week), having specific financial goals, making specific goals in general and then striving constantly to achieve them, having expectations, stories about my past, judgments about what other people are doing and should be doing, having specific ideas about what will make me happy and what will make me unhappy — the idea of making it my spiritual practice to just release these things into the wind, and letting God handle it, is exhilarating and liberating.

I’m releasing.

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