I’m now dipping my toe in the dating scene. Literally, the last date I went on was a foot massage. I work from home and I go to church with menopausal lesbians, so online dating is the perfect place to meet men.
Here’s what I have learned about online dating in your 30s and 40s.
People tell you exactly who they are, believe them. As Maya Angelou and Oprah have said so often. With online dating this is true.
Many of them are obviously still furious about their past relationships. Steer clear of someone who’s not over it, I say.
They’ll say things like “I want a boyfriend-like situation, but I want you to need nothing from me because I’m offering nothing like time or attention unless it’s on my terms.”
Thanks for telling me that I absolutely do not want to be your not-girlfriend.
No Games and No Drama is a big request. It makes me sit back and wonder why this dude is attracting games and drama. Thanks, but no thanks. This guy is already starting with a chip on his shoulder and a preconception that texting him is a matter of desperation, or he doesn’t keep his promises, so like, his girlfriend gets mad at him. But, he doesn’t feel he should have to deal with her inconvenient feelings.
Others will say seemingly innocuous things like, “I work 60 hours a week and I want someone to spend my free time with.”
What? That five minutes every full moon when you can’t really bare being alone? Could this be the reason you got a divorce?
Resentment about money comes through very clearly in online profiles. They’ll say things like, “Coffee is the first date, we should make sure we’re a match before I spend money on dinner.”
Real generous guy. Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life fighting over money with you.
Others will feature themselves with shot glasses and beer in every shot. Whether they are boating, in a bar or at a friend’s house they’re getting the party on.
No alcoholics please.
One of my favorites is: “I have two children and they are my life, they will always come first.”
Um, yeah, I’m glad you’re into your children, but being told right up front that I will not be a priority is not a turn-on.
Then there are the guys who obviously do not take care of themselves. 40 has a way of looking vastly different from man to man. There’s the athletic type whose hobby is always rock climbing or biking, then there’s the guy who obviously spends a lot of time eating hamburgers and watching football on the couch. The beer belly is the dead giveaway, and something about the palor of their skin and the lack of brightness in their eyes.
Another big tipoff that this is not the guy for me is when he can’t be bothered with periods or capitalization. Or they message you and you might be slightly interested but realize that they are incommunicative—which makes for a not awesome relationship. This can be discifered from their inability to carry on a messaging conversation.
You: Today I went to get an amazing foot massage and had a delicious lunch. What did you do today?
Him: not much
Where is a conversation supposed to go from here?
The beauty of online dating is that I don’t have to meet any of these guys in person and accidentally fall for them or have to fend off advances from undesirable dudes.
But, then there are the other ones. The sweet ones. I’ll write more about them later.
Tracee Sioux is a Law of Attraction Coach at www.traceesioux.com. She is the author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Images: Wikamedia Commons