I told God and the vast abundant Universe that I wanted more.
“Absolutely! Just open your palm!”
But, my palm was full of stuff that wasn’t serving me. It was making me sad, angry, frustrated and unhappy. Worst of all, it was leaving me starved – love starved – spiritually starved.
But, I didn’t want to let go. It hurt to hold it in my palm. But, I knew it. I understood it. The stuff my fist was clenched around was familiarly painful. Not unexpectedly painful. There is an enormous difference, you know. Sometimes an ache can become so familiar that we believe it is us. And even when we know it’s not, it’s terrifying to let go of.
“I want more!” I shouted. “Bring that first and then I’ll open my palm.”
“Just open your palm to receive! But, you have to release all that junk you’re holding onto first, or you won’t have room, and you’ll drop it. Trust. Have Faith.”
“When is it going to be over? When do I get to receive what I want? What I asked for?”
“When you’ve grieved.”
Break a clavicle, bruises all over my heart for months.
“I love you, Tracee. I love you, Tracee. I love you. I love you. Ssshhhhh, I love you,” I whisper to myself in the dark.
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