Mom! Victoria got a puppy from the Tooth Fairy! My six-year-old told me after a visit with her BFF.
Uh. The Tooth Fairy brings children money for teeth not puppies, I told her.
Nu uh. Victoria got a toy! I saw the puppy, she challenged.
A toy? Well, I think the Tooth Fairy brings money to our house, I explained, desperate to draw a boundary.
I’m writing her a note, says Ainsley.
We’ll see, I say.
What is wrong with Victoria’s Mom? I think. There have been generations of a common parental pact that says $1 in change is what a tooth is worth. What is this inflation? Divorce guilt? Competition with Daddy? I am not getting sucked into this trap.
Two weeks later, Ainsley wrestles with brother Zack. Out pops front tooth.
The Tooth Fairy is going to bring me a pink toy puppy! She informs me.
Why don’t you call your daddy at work and tell him you lost a tooth, I say.
Daddy I lost a tooth and the tooth fair is going to bring me a toy!
What kind of toy?
A pink puppy.
Let me talk to him, I said. Whispering from the bathroom, She’s writing a note. Are we going to fall for this?
I guess I’ll pick up a pink dog on the way home.
Are we buying toys for teeth now and taking requests? I have a bad feeling about this.
An hour later he smuggles this giant pink poodle in.
Are you kidding?
It’s the only pink poodle Walmart had.
What about the Dollar Store?
What does she have, like 25 teeth? And she’s gonna tell Zack, he’s got 25 more. We can’t keep this up! How much was that dog?
What is wrong with Victoria’s mom? Doesn’t she know about the parental code of honor? I can’t believe we fell for this crap, I say as he steals her tooth from her pillow.
I deeply apologize, we got suckered. I heard her tell the whole kindergarten class.