1. Pick a perfect theme: I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris.
2. Pick a perfect place. The perfect place will be secluded, not far, and affordable priced. If your good friend offers, “Please come stay in The Pond House anytime!” do not say, “Oh no, I couldn’t.” Instead make your mouth form these far better words, “Thank you so much, that’s very generous, which weekends are available? How’s August 28?” You should make a reservation at The Pond House, in Marshall, Texas – it’s so relaxing and peaceful. (Except for this LAME Dog who stole our shoes and committed other sins I won’t mention.)
3. Get your mother to make you an apron so that you actually are the theme decor. Wear it the whole time, because it makes people giggle when they see you coming. (If your mother doesn’t sew, my mother will make you one for $75, leave a comment and I’ll contact you with details. Etsy store coming soon.)
4. Make Chocolate Fondue. (If I started selling Healthy Chocolate with an unpronounceable name would you order some from me?)
5. Dose your friends with Peppermint Oil to fend off mosquitoes, because it really works. Follow friends around dosing them with Joy, Peace and Calming and Panaway oils. (Yes, I’m selling oils too and The Girl Revolution T-shirts.)
6. Put serious thought, love and heavy cream into all the food. I made Chocolate Fondue, Tomato Basil Soup and Crab Florentine. Divine! We had Gourmet Omelets, Chicken Riesling, Awesome Tacos. We ate every three hours.
7. Invite all the right people. The right people are the people who make you feel GREAT about yourself when you’re around them. Do NOT invite the people who invoke guilt, inspire measuring up with The Jones’, commonly criticize you for this or that, or make you feel in any way Less Than. Panty Hose Crafts optional, but highly recommended.
8. No children allowed. Love your children enough to give them Daddy Time. Love them enough to recharge your juices and grow your fuse a little longer. Love them enough to take deep relaxing breathes where no one steals food off your plate or sneaks sips of your Dr. Pepper. Read this UCLA article for the clinical, medical reasons you should take time to hang out with your friends.
9. Yoga it out with Elsie Escobar on iTunes. Sweat out the toxins from the night before.
10. Say a prayer of Gratitude, send some Thank You notes and make plans to do it again soon.
Special thanks to Jen from Jlogged.com for the photos.