Been There, Done That: The Ghosts of Lovers Past

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For the past several months I’ve been experiencing an odd phenomenon.

Wrapped up in The Year of Yes, where I say yes to everything my Soul tells me to do, is an abundance of opportunities to say No.

I’ve been getting a good amount of attention from men this summer. Which is, I admit, very fun. After being married to a downer who didn’t appreciate me for 12 years, I am enjoying the appreciation of men for my looks, my bright personality and my out-of-the-box thinking. I’m basking in it while it lasts, before My Man shows up.

The interesting part is that these men are much like my previous lovers. I’ve even been tempted to say the old lover’s names rather than the new man’s name. They carry the energy or qualities of past men I have found legit reasons not to be involved with. They are like previous boyfriends or flings come to pay me a call 13 years later.

It feels like the Universe is offering me an opportunity to choose again: Yes or No?

No. Unequivocally No.

Most of the time it’s not even a tempting proposition. Once I’ve caught myself seriously wrapped up in the idea, other times I’ve been momentarily tempted to daly there for the fun of it, hoping to feel the level of attraction I once felt for that particular flavor of energy. But, that energy just isn’t there for me anymore.

Because I’m different. I no longer want the same things I wanted before. I no longer spend my free time the way I once did. The things that were once attractive to me, are now boring and dull. I’ve grown and matured. The bar is higher. I’ve experienced enough to better know what I want, and what I will no longer accept.

It isn’t happening simply in my dating life. I have found myself in situations that would have been fun in my 20s—a canyon bar with intoxicated mountain men listening to live music and the promise of partying all night long—and I’ve been bored out of my mind. I’ve found myself exiting conversations that I once might have felt passionate about—because I just don’t care enough to waste the energy discussing it. I’ve found myself unable to read most novels, because they aren’t captivating enough.

I’ve had opportunities in my career present themselves and these too have been too unsatisfying to hold my attention. This week I hit a wall where I just. couldn’t. do. it. anymore. with some of my regular gigs. I quit. My Soul told me I would be opening the door to better if I closed those doors. Once this would have caused me tremendous anxiety and money fear. Now, I fulfilled my obligation with class and leapt off that cliff without pause.

I’ve shifted. I’m shifting even more right now. I’m rolling with the experience of saying No and it’s equal polarity of saying Yes.

No to potheads, neurotics, alcoholics, emotional retards, spiritually stunted or undeveloped people. No to menial time-sucking and energy-sucking marketing and copywriting gigs with atrocious ROI. No to going backwards.

Yes to dancing all night long in fun dresses. Yes to meditation. Yes to cross fit and kickboxing. Yes to a new pair of jeans. Yes to a pair of expensive sparkly blue heals. Yes to energy work and massages. Yes to marketing my Law of Attraction Coaching practice. Yes to blue and orange. Yes to spiritual study. Yes to writing The Year of Yes memoir.

Yes to awakening.

I’m curious. Is the Universe presenting you with Opportunities of Lovers/Career/Situations Past?

Are you saying Yes? Are you saying No?

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