My extended family likes a good practical joke especially, one that involves fear and a few screaming children.
Poor Ainsley still wont walk down my Grandmothers hall because of the time her Great Uncle Nelson jumped out of the closet screaming when she was three. She was terrified.
When Uncle Nelson made his annual pilgrimage to Texas this weekend my daughter was afraid to go on the traditional night-time hayride after the scrumptious chili.
Im not going on the hayride, she declared. Last time Nathan jumped out of the bushes with firecrackers and scared us!
Youre going. It will be fun, I told her.
She shared a hay bail with me on the back of the trailer.
Listen everything they say on this hayride is a lie, I told her. Dont believe any of it.
Minutes later . . . .
I just saw a bobcat, shout a few cousins.
Dont believe it, I told her. Besides a bob cat is like a baby kitten, not scary at all. Theyre afraid of people.
Driving by The Shirleys place we were chased by a pack of vicious dogs, that was a little scary, but they stopped as soon as the trailer made it passed their territory.
Just in view of the house, about to breath a sigh of relief, Great Uncle Nelson starts up a story:
When I was a kid, my Uncle Don told us he saw this thing out here. It was huge, bigger than a man and really hairy. He said it could leap from one side of this road to another like a Kangaroo.
He called it a Sasquatchian. Look there he is!!!!! Its Big Foot!
We turned toward the woods and there was a Giant Black Gorilla.
Ainsley became hysterical, crying that she was scared.
We immediately knew my cousin Bonnies husband was the one missing and therefore had to be in the Gorilla suit.
Its just Barry, I told her. I took her face in my hands and told her to look at me, Its just Barry in a Gorilla suit. Barry isnt scary. It isn’t real. It’s a joke.
My husband, Jeremy, tried to calm her, but she would not be calmed. She was carried away in a fit of fear. Zack was paralyzed with silent fear. Ainsley was just screaming and crying.
Suddenly, my husband got up, leapt out of the trailer and charged Big Foot.
Big Foot Barry wasnt expecting a real confrontation. He turned around and blindly hightailed it for the woods.
Jeremy tackled the giant Sasquatch to the ground.
Bam! They hit the narrow oil top road.
Ainsley, Open your eyes! Quick! You gotta see this! Daddys beating up Big Foot! He tackled him to the ground, hes punching him and kicking him! Daddys protecting you from a giant Sasquatch! What a hero!
Ainsley opened her eyes long enough to catch a glimpse of her Daddy kicking Big Foot in the stomach and in final defeat Sasquatch lay on the ground, unmoving – dead.
Daddy brought the giant Gorilla head back as a trophy.
I hope Ainsley never forgets her Daddy is willing to attack the Sasquatch from Sascatuan for her.