, ,

Time Declares Chore Wars Over

Ruth Davis Konigsberg wrote and article in Time Magazine declaring that men are pulling their weight at home and at work, though women still feel put upon.

Turns out that statistically both husband and wife, father and mother, feel equally stretched in a million directions without enough time to get everything done. The difference is that this is an old feeling for moms, but a new one for dads.

Fifty-fifty isn’t exactly happening, because fifty-fifty isn’t a reasonable goal. Dads are working more hours outside the home and moms are putting in more childcare hours. But, the total working hours are the same give or take 10 minutes or so.

Fifty-seven percent of dads agree with this statement, “In the past three months, I have not been able to get everything done at home each day because of my job.” Sixty-eight percent of dads say they “have experienced problems with their employer because of conflicts between their job and their duties as a parent. Seventy-two percent of dads “report that their income would decline if they worked fewer hours.”

The article goes on to state that the reason both moms and dads, but especially moms, feel overextended is because we are participating in “the concerted cultivation of children.” In other words, we’ve raised the bar of parenting higher than previous generations and spend more time at Taekwondo lessons and other child-centered extra-curricular activities.

The article also points out that dads feel pressured because work expectations change for new moms when a baby is born, but not for new dads. The workplace cuts women a little slack, in other words, but expect dad to keep performing at his usual pace.

Essentially, this is good news statistically.

But, does it feel true for you?

Is the work/childcare/housework pretty equal in your house or are you pulling the notorious “second shift?”

In my house, I have to say I have few complaints. Dad helps with cooking, dishes, laundry, childcare and works a full-time job. Any complaints I have are about the amount of time and energy his full-time job demands. The late dinners, the extra-curricular activities like the Thursday night golf game, the working from home on evenings and weekends. These things make it harder for me. The kids are older, so it’s not like it creates more labor. But, I can’t leave and go do something else when he works late or plays golf. I have to be the warm body making sure nothing drastic happens. Also, it just makes me feel lonely.

How about your family life? Is it equal? Does it balance out?

Tracee Sioux is a Law of Attraction Coach at www.traceesioux.com.  She is the author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories. Contact her at traceesioux@gmail.com.

9 replies
  1. Margaret says:

    I do think we’re pretty balanced here…Hub works a 9-5ish job, and while I do pull in a few bucks with writing and what not, I’m essentially a SAHM. I don’t think things are disproportionate. My kids aren’t overextended with activities, and both the Hub and I have things we like to do on our own–we coordinate so we both get the time we want doing non-work things.

    Four years ago? When the kids were younger, I definitely felt like I was ‘on’ 24/7. It’s changed a lot since then.

  2. Miho says:

    I believe that these concerns are really a big concern in most families. If not dealt with properly and no third party guidance, it may result to a broken family with alot of misunderstandings.
    I still believe all is well when both partners understand each other in their roles and that no role in the family is inferior with the other. Both give effort to the betterment of the family. Unless the father or the mother is slacking off, then it is another story. Its not all about the quantity of time given inside the household that matters but the quality.

  3. pearlyosborne says:

    Just wanna share…In my family, we don’t have much. Everything may look and sound so sad that we barely eat to other people; But my parents are so loving, hard working, and understanding that they have to work part-time, full-time, and some side-line jobs just to put food on the table. The times that we didn’t have much on the holidays, nobody complained. I have 5 sisters who are all in school. That explains the not so much food on the table. Everybody helps though and despite of all the not having too much…and too little time with out parents, they still manage to squeeze some time out just go pic nic and bond. If we complain too much and don’t appreciate what is there, then we can’t find simple happiness within ourselves.

  4. Jazmin says:

    I guess, household chores balancing is very impossible in our home. My husband didn’t actually know everything and sometimes cause a great war. I hope he will be changed someday.

  5. aed939 says:

    1) Check out the “Spousonomics” book–comparative advantage means parents should not necessarily split every role 50-50, but rather specialize their labor.

    Second, the Time article made no mention of home/property/auto maintenance and improvement. I think dad’s share of this, that hasn’t been outsourced to a service, has traditionally been 90 percent. Today, there is more outsourcing, or it gets postponed or neglected. But I don’t see moms taking on much more in this area.

  6. Diana says:

    My husband works a pretty long shift so I feel that it’s balanced out quite well. I do most of the house chores but he takes out the trash, washes all of our cars, and maintains the garden over the weekends.

  7. teresita18 says:

    Exactly! That’s a new difficult role for hubby. Even though you both work outside the home, Mom’s do the 80% work inside the home.

  8. socory says:

    If you’re asking me, it has not been a 50/50 share of work load. It’s always 70-30 and the 70 is mine. He is used in putting dirty linens on the machine and never finish his job, it always end up to me washing and spinning the clothes.

  9. Dubturbo says:

    I also believe Premium commentluv is really great plugin, I have planning to use it in my blog. I had used many of the blog for getting this knowledge but yours info, its really great.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.