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Soul Path: Shit Skinny Girls Deal With

Since I had the babies and have been on a journey to get back to my optimal weight by improving my lifestyle, learning to love exercise and eating consciously and intuitively I’ve learned a lot about my body. Since getting a thyroid condition and gaining the weight back it has occurred to me that there are two things about weighing 125 pounds – my goal weight – that scare the crap out of me and which I have a bunch of left-over negative feelings about.

1. The way other women treated me when I was thin. In general, when I was thin, I made very few new female friends. Women would call me “intimidating.” They would often be downright mean to me. I had several coworkers and bosses who took such an instant, vicious disliking to me that they made my life a hell whenever I had to interact with them. Fat girls, especially one in particular, would be especially cruel to me saying backhanded things about how “if they looked like me they would be married to millionaires” or “their life would be perfect, so they didn’t know what my problem was, why I was having all these normal problems with men.” (hint: because much of the male population treats women like shit, all the more so if they are thin and pretty.) Often other women, especially my fat friend, would sleep with my boyfriend or have phone sex with my lover and use excuses like, “but I’m fat, you don’t know what it’s like, I feel so bad about my body, I had to prove that I could get him too.” Sadly, it took me far too many years to finally ditch said friend and leave her to her big fat excuses. Since gaining 30 pounds I find that women are 1,000 times nicer to me, they approach me, they ask me to lunch, they don’t refuse my own overtures of friendship. I guess I am less intimidating. They don’t feel it necessary to tell me they “hate me” for being thin. I have far more female friendships than I did when I was thin and I like it. It’s more fun for me. A part of me wonders if I will be sacrificing my approachability if I go back to being thin. I don’t think I’d be okay with that.

2. When I was thin men treated me like their plaything. Not all men. But enough to make me wary of going through it again. During my thin years I was flashed by a drive-by masterbater, a movie-theater masterbater sat next to me, raped by a supposed friend while I was asleep, sexually harassed at every job I ever had from blatant comments like “I want to do you in the snow” from a 40-year-old married dude when I was 16 (he was not fired when reported, but they did move him across the aisle – generous of them huh?) to being fondled by a dirty old man as a waitress for $3 tips (yeah, I took him to court and lost and it was humiliating), catcalled about every time I walked down the street, men tried to pick me up and offer me money for sex when was waiting for buses, fondled and molested at every straight dance club I ever walked into, stalked and kidnapped by a boyfriend I broke up with and knocked around by a boyfriend who could overpower me. I could go on. Most girls have an experience like this to share. But, this many? Whether or not this was directly related to me being thin, I associate this type of male attention with being thin, mainly because when I gained 30 pounds the behavior stopped. Men stopped giving me all their abusive attention. And it was a relief. A huge relief. I’m not anxious to go back to that treatment. I make jokes and tell my body, “Don’t worry dear, the wrinkles around your eyes and your laugh lines will serve the same purpose as the 30 pounds.” But, I don’t think my body believes me, so she hangs onto the extra 30 pounds no matter what I eat or how much exercise I do. Maybe that’s what following my Soul Path is all about.

In order to be thin, I have to release my fear of being thin again and risk women hating me and men treating me like their entertainment. Am I ready?

Tracee Sioux is a Law of Attraction Coach at www.traceesioux.com.  She is the author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories. Contact her at traceesioux@gmail.com.

132 replies
  1. ashlea says:

    I cannot stand the crap I deal with being thin. I’m naturally thin, with a high metabolism. I don’t work out and I eat whatever I want, whenever I want. And because of this, other women hate me for it. They can’t stand when I talk about how I can’t find clothes that fit my size (I’m short and pear shaped, so pants never fit right because if they fit my hips, they’re too long so I have to squeeze myself into a smaller size) and how I hate the fact that I’m so damn flatchested (32 A. I find my bras in the preteen section). This hate drives me insane, like my body issues do not matter. They get shocked and don’t believe me when I tell them that my butt and thighs are plagued with cellulite and stretch marks. All they see is my weight number, ignoring the fact that weighing just under 100 lbs is NORMAL for my height.

  2. Rebeka says:

    Hi. I read your post. Thank you so much for your honesty. I feel like I have had to deal with so much shit as an overweight women. I was raped at 17 by my cousin. When i worked at a Dental Office at 230 pounds the owner, the office manager treated me like shit even though I was putting in 120% effort. I kept seeing the blondes and the skinny girls being given better job duties and I had seen so many come and go but I was still stuck at the bottom. I don’t have jealousy towards women who are thin. I just feel like I keep getting passed over or ignored most of the time because I’m obese. It feels as if I’m unlovable.

    I’ve seen my weight go up and down and I noticed a pattern. Every time I lose weight for something outside myself it backfires. It backfires because when I don’t get what I want like a guy, a promotion, unconditional love I let myself go. I realize now that this time when I lose weight I have to do it for me.

    So you have to do what you have to to be in the size you want for you. These people that you’re surrounded by don’t deserve you. You deserve the best. If you want to be thin and you are happiest and most comfortable being thin and you live in a place where people aren’t appreciative then you might have to relocate. Right now NJ and Colarodo are the states with the lowest BMI.

    My point is when you are in a toxic, negative environment then it’s time to move. I know when I lived in certain places people treat me better and I have an easier time meeting people who appreciate and respect me.

    If you need a body guard I’m your girl or take a strong man or woman with you so you feel safe. Make friends with people you can trust. If you can become apart of a community organization or a group of people that take the same interest.

    If you need someone to talk to my e-mail is beki4peace@gmail.com

  3. Tracee says:

    Thank you Rebeka for your kind thoughts. You’re right, you have to be the weight you feel best at.

    The pattern I notice in myself is that when I feel I need protection – something around me, work, a relationship, living in F’ing Texas – then I pack on a good 25 pounds to “shield me” and you’re right, if there is something threatening then I need to get the hell out. I love living in Colorado now, BTW.

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