I’ve been strug.gle.ing. lately. With my brain. With my beliefs. With the manifestation of my Soul Purpose. I just published my memoir, my life’s work, The Year of YES! The Big Dream. Why can’t I just be happy about it? Why doesn’t it feel the way I thought it would feel?
See, I’m once again broke. And it’s a feeling I know all too well. I hate this feeling’s guts second only to the feeling of anxiety—wait, it’s the same F’ing feeling. Again. Again. Motha F’ing Again.
And I keep trying to “figure it out.”
What am I doing wrong?
Is my feminine “receiving” side broken?
Why isn’t the Universe reciprocal?
What the F’ is my problem?
Why can’t I figure this one piece out?
Where do I need to change course?
How could my Soul lead me down this path only to leave me broke again?
And my Soul keeps saying, “Just wait. One more month. That project will carry you through. Just wait. It’s OK. There’s going to be so much money.”
And I keep getting really frustrated with my Soul because damn it, I’m sick to death of waiting and I hate this feeling and it makes me feel unsafe, insecure and like I’m walking on a tight-rope where I could plummet to my death any second and I’m willing to do practically anything to make this feeling go away. It makes me feel desperate.
And that feeling of desperation eclipses the joy I want to feel about everything I’ve accomplished in the last several months. And I’ve accomplished a lot. In fact, it’s been one of the most creative and productive periods of my life. I published The Year of YES!, redesigned my website, hired two team members, created a #YesDare 2015 calendar/journal which is being released next week, and developed an annual Maxcelerators membership site to give people all the secrets to finding your Soul’s Purpose and manifesting what you want, including all the eCourses that are inside of it, plus I taught a 6-week Money~Magnet MasterCourse. All since August. Not to mention the phenomenal progress that my clients have been making. Add to that the parenting and a social life.
It’s so unfair that all this good can come with this jumbled up desperation of being broke, not to mention embarassing, was the story I was telling myself.
Then, yesterday I looked at my money. I added up what I’ve made this year. I looked at my expenses and my budgets for the year. I looked at where money is coming from and where it is going.
And guess what I found?
I invested in my Soul’s Purpose.
There’s no receiving problem. No reciprocation problem. No income problem. No wrong course problem. Nothing for me to figure out. There is no problem.
I made more than I’ve ever made. I brought in a very respectable income and I still have several more weeks to reap what I’ve sown.
Why would I make choices that would leave me cash poor like this?
Because I believe in this work that much. Because it is my Soul’s Purpose to write and publish my memoir about the year I said YES! to everything my Soul told me to do, and it’s my Soul’s Purpose to help other people have the audacity to live this way. And I know this way of living works. So much so that I’m willing to invest everything I have on it.
So yes. I’m temporarily cash poor because I invested. In me. In my business. In my Soul’s Purpose. And in other people’s Souls’ Purpose too. And I still hate being broke.
But, I do trust my Soul. She knows where she’s going, she knows the fastest, easiest way to get there and she will never ever, steer me wrong. True for me. True for you. True for everyone.
I’m ready to receive the return on my investment. That’s my new belief. My new mantra. My new affirmation.