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Life Coach: Forget Fair! Try Happy!

I remember when my dad would say, Who ever told you life was going to be fair? and it would piss. me. off.

It’s not fair! 

Fair. Life should be fair. Right?

My children now say/whine/scream, It’s not fair! 

And I tell them, when are you going to learn that I don’t care about fair? At All. EVER! 

Having experienced a whole bunch of angst, anger, fear and righteous outrage because all kinds of things in life are unfair, I find that myself and other people who seek whateverrighteousthingtheyconsider “fair,” are chronically disappointed. Thus, often miserable. Sounds like a life coach could be needed here, don’t you think?

Essentially we’re born to unfairness. I was born in America in 1973, as opposed to war torn Afghanistan in 2009. I’ve had some really great love affairs, and some fairly violent ones. I was born a woman in a patriarchal culture. What has any of that to do with you?

Since deciding that I don’t give a crap about “fair,” and decided to spend my energy on being happy, well, I’ve been happy.

The problem with fair is that you’re consistently, habitually noticing what someone else has — and what you don’t. It’s impossible to come from a place of gratitude about what you do have if you’re incessantly obsessed about what you lack.

When my children screech about fairness I haven’t the slightest bit of sympathy. Happy people have given up the quest, I try to tell them. (No, they don’t believe me yet.)

Accept your life the way your life is, accept your body the way your body is, accept the facts of your past the way that it is. If there are parts of your “story” that you find unfulfilling, unpleasant or wish would improve —change them.

Real power doesn’t come from “fairness.” Real power comes from knowing that you are a powerful spiritual being and that your path is yours and yours alone. Do with it what you will. It’s not meant to look like someone else’s path. And the quest for fair won’t take you skipping down your own, it will make you drag your feet with drooped shoulders of defeat, or have you dashing about screeching and pumping your fists at the Gods.

To skip, you have to dump the quest for “fair,” and learn to love what IS.

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1 reply
  1. JB Young says:

    I decided awhile ago that fairness is not a concept for worthwhile discussion. Happiness, on the other hand, rocks!

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